He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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