the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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