Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
