I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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