booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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