Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
