Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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