How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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