I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize