Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found puke in my bra..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
