pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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