Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
