I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
