Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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