it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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