She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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