Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
