Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
