I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
