So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize