I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize