Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dick very happy bro
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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