I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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