I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
