Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize