if i can run in heels then i can drive
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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