A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
