i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
