Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Randomize
