he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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