I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
