Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
