Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
