I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
