i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize