my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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