Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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