I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize