Apparently you make a good broom.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
