Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
