Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
