R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
