Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
