Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
