She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
