is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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