Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
