like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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