I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
