I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize