It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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