Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
