I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
