i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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