so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
