Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
