Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
