i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
