im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize