I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
