around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
