belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize