Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
