the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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