i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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