apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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