I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I understand Curling. That high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
