One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
