i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
