you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
