ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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