I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am available for nakedness
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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