apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
