No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize