Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize