New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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