Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize