I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
