I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
