I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
