Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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