my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You are the jesus of drinking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
