you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
