I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I currently don't understand fingers.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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