Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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