Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
