I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
