my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
