you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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