Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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