Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
