im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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