Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
