Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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