I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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