guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
